Can of Trash: Going Solo

Asking people for help is really difficult sometimes. Personally I am terrified of being a burden or am afraid others will think I am dumb. Its like I expect myself to have all the right answers or be able to do things all on my own. But frankly, that’s not how any of us get through life. We all need others. When we reach out to others not only do we build relationships but often the result is way better than if we just stuck with our own ideas.

Allow me to contrast my two marathon experiences to help drive the point.

Marathon 1: My Solo Marathon, Provo Canyon and Utah Lake

Back in the fall of 2005 I had a pretty healthy trail running routine going. I even set a new record for myself, a 12 miler. One Monday night I was saying my prayers before going to bed. It was then that I had a very powerful and unmistakable impression. God was telling me to run a marathon that coming Saturday. I was shocked! At first I thought I had to be mistaken. I thought, “Maybe there is a marathon being televised on Saturday or there is a Little House on the Prairie TV series marathon I needed to watch.” Nope, the impression was just getting stronger. The idea even passed my mind that perhaps got me mixed up with the girl that lives in apartment 216 A. I couldn’t deny it. I went to bed knowing what I needed to do on Saturday.



Well, not exactly. You see I didn’t even know how long a marathon was. I was clueless!! I knew absolutely nothing about long distance running other then putting my shoes on and bringing a water bottle. It was at this point that I should have at least consulted the girl in 216 A. At least she would have told me to carbo load during the week and more about hydration. She probably would have even told me about Gu, bananas, and that I needed to fuel my body throughout the run. But I didn’t. I was so embarrassed that I was doing something so audacious that I was afraid to tell anyone. Who am I, a girl who even weighed 255 pounds, to run 26.2 miles? I finally confessed my plans to a roommate and a couple of friends. They thought I was crazy but still asked if they could come cheer me on or bring me water or food if I needed it. I asked them not to. I wasn’t even sure if I could do it. I was afraid they would see me fail.

Saturday morning came faster than I liked. I went online, mapped it out, and decided where to stash water along the way. But alas, the run was difficult to say the least. The first 15 miles were fine. But then I realized I planned the whole water thing all-wrong. I either placed the bottles too close together or too far apart! Also, the second half of the run was all up hill going back up toward Vivian Park up Provo Canyon. At mile 24 I was tired, sore, under nourished, and discouraged. I sat down on a bench for about 5 minutes. After about 6 hours and twenty-five minutes I finished. My body felt like hell but I was exhilarated. I could hardly move for 3 days after this run.

Marathon 2: Top of Utah 2009

In September of 2009 my friend told me she was running the Top of Utah Marathon. I had been running 40 miles per week, knew I could do it, but I just winced in pain at the thought of it. Memories from my first marathon still seared me with pain. But then I started thinking about it and decided to go for it.

Things were much different this time. I loved it. There were several reasons for the difference. First, it was an organized race. Second, I was prepared. I spent the summer working out with the ROTC every weekday from 5 to 7 am and we did some CRAZY stuff. Third, I wasn’t alone. Two of my friends were running the race also, though at our own pace. In addition, I found I had a whole support group all around me by default because it was an organized race. I was so determined to have a completely different experience from my last one that I started working the crowd. Pretty soon I had my own fan base, they would cry, “There she is!” and then cheer me on. Several runners thanked me and told me I actually kept them motivated as I kept my single pace throughout the race. At one point I had a whole flock of women next to me running in V formation. Fourth, my body had adequate nutrition and water. Finally at mile 24 a homeowner played “Eye of the Tiger” from their home stereo and put the speakers outside to support the runners. Perfect timing. When I finally turned the corner to do the last .2 miles I started to “sprint” (really how much can you sprint after 26 miles?). My little fan base shouted, “There she is!” and the crowd went wild. It took me about 5:20 from start to finish.

A few hours later we were driving home. We stopped at a gas station. Inside the store I heard one last time, “There she is!”



The Value of Others

Both experiences were absolutely priceless. Both experiences have become a part of me and a part of my identity. In retrospect, however, I can see that the first experience could have been much more pleasant had I not been afraid to let others help. Had I just opened my mouth and not been ashamed or embarrassed of who I was and what I was setting out to do. Friends would have helped to make sure I had the proper nutrition. Had I let my friends come cheer me on I would have benefited from their words of encouragement and from their energy.

All too often we try to do things alone when we shouldn’t. I should not feel guilt or shame when I reach out to others. Instead I should do so with confidence. I am not encouraging dependency on others. I am, however, trying to learn not to be too hard on myself and that I cannot expect myself to know how to everything from the beginning.

Can of Trash: Too Dang Busy

Last winter I helped my dad cover his trailer for the winter. To help I had to climb up the ladder about 12 feet, get on top of the trailer and even scoot carefully over to the edge while dad helped from below. This sounds easy enough, but you see, my dad is Deaf. So doing things like this with him when there is no visual communication can be a little…adventurous.

Much to my relief we were done in a matter of minutes! I didn’t fall through the roof or slip off the trailer. Success. “Whew! This could have been much worse.” I thought to myself as I turned around and started back toward the ladder. However, much to my dismay, the ladder was now five feet away from the trailer. My dad moved it when he was tying the cover down. Sheer panic. “NO!!!!!” Time stopped then everything turned into slow motion. In an instant the wind picked up, dark clouds rolled in, and thunder boomed. Children ran into their homes. I hurriedly scooted over to the sides of the trailer knowing that calling out for dad was futile. I waved and waved, “Dad, look up!” I waved and waved some more. Meanwhile, dad stood there admiring his knots, pleased that his project was nearly done. Luckily after 5 minutes or so he looked up, saw me and hurriedly put the ladder back in place.



I share this experience with you all, not to necessarily to give my dad a hard time, though that is a bonus. After thinking about this experience I realized there was a lesson in this for me. Just as my dad was busy finishing tying his knots and admiring his work I too get caught up in my own life and my own projects. When this happens I loose sight of others and I miss out on opportunities to enjoy my family and friends or to help strangers. Life is about relationships with others, not necessarily this weeks project.

Can of Trash: All or Nothin'

Recently Rick, my personal trainer accused me of being stuck in an "all or nothing" mentality. Initially I thought, "So what if I am, who cares?" Well apparently I should. He warned that from his experience that clients who think this way are the ones who don't keep the weight off.

So is Rick crazy or does he have a point? If he does, then what does that mean for me?

Well, I had an epiphany today. My big clue? Dehydration at mile five of a six mile jog. Yep, I went from running basically 0 miles over the last three months to 6 miles in a day. It felt amazing mind you. I loved it. No ear buds, just me, the sun, the river next to me, and the sound of my feet hitting the pavement. But I did wonder, why couldn't you just go for a walk like you planned? At least then I wouldn't be so thirsty.

I thought of other symptoms:

• I don't like to sing in church because I think I "can't" so I just don't.
• As a student I have always put my studies first even if it meant missing out on some fun group activity. As a result I missed out on building strong friendships and lasting memories.
• When I started doing triathlons I jumped in and started doing Olympic distance on a mountain bike. (Why sprints were not good enough at least until I got a road bike I don't know!)
• My first marathon was done on a whim, by myself, in my own "organized" race.

Alright, then what does this mean for me? Is it possible to change my line of reasoning? Am I destined to think in black in white?

Change is possible. Change is difficult. Change can only be done consciously.

I watched an amazing TED talk this week by Josh Prager . In this talk he mentions how the driver of the truck that crashed into his car and left Prager a quadrapolegic would never understand the consequences of his actions. Why? Because he is a limited man. He limits himself because he doesn't question his purpose, his assumptions, nor his paradigm. As a result he will never be able to fully enjoy and experience life. He will be stuck in his ways, his sights will be limited to the boundary of his village and he will never see the mountains or the sky. He will never change.

So, how do I move from an all or nothing mentality to one that is more forgiving and patient. Honestly, I haven't a clue. But I am starting to work on it nonetheless.

Welcome to Cans of Trash

Time to take out the trash, one can at a time.

Everyone is full of...trash. The trash I am talking about is the stuff that holds us back. This trash keep us from moving forward. Pursuing dreams. Capturing dreams. Loving someone. Losing the fifty pound spare tire hanging around our bellies. You can't wake up to perfection. Bad habits have to be trashed and good habits have to be formed. The thing is bad habits are like trash. You can only take it out one can at a time.

For the most part the purpose of this blog is, well, a selfish purpose. Through this blog I hope to kick some of my own trash out of my system. I am working on a few (ok several- I am multi-tasking!) goals but am not as progressing as fast as I would like to. So I am creating and taking advantage of an opportunity. I will review my past and present and see what lessons I can learn that will help me in now and in the future. Don't worry, I won't be writing about any Fried Green Tomato like self-discovery experiences (laugh if you get this joke). But it will be personal. I may post some old journal entries, draw on a few past entries and write up a synopsis and infuse it with some brilliant commentary or sarcasm, or just write about the present in a Ben Stein monotone voice. Its my blog after all. I get to do what I want.

Feel free to share how you've managed to throw some of your trash out too. I would love to hear it.